You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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