tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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