It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
