If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
