i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
