I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
