Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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