Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
