i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
