turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
