it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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