Me. At least after what I've been through.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
