i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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