sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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