Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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