I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
