haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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