it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
