weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I deserve this hangover.
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