May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
