were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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