I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
