her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
