I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
