So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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