Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
