You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
