I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
