Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
