I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
