I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
