You're so nebulous sometimes
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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