The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
