so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
