dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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