Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
