My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
