My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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