he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I party with great urgency now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
