i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
