As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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