i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
