I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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