therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
