Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
