I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
