Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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