You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
