OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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