new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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