i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
