WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
